Shrapnel City Blues

by Kenneth M. Gray

Back at Justice Defenders Headquarters, StreetLord threw the cape across the room. 

"I told you the cape was a dumb idea, Bill," Femme Métal said as she transitioned from metal back to human flesh. 

Grey Matter glanced up from his multiscreens. "Hey! Code names only. StreetLord, I realize how much you idolize Batman,
but he is a fictional character from comic books, movies, and cartoons.
This is real life; capes are not practical, and the Vicious Psychos are our most formidable adversaries."

"Da Bomb put his helmet, gloves, and bandolier of explosive devices inside his locker and said‌,
"I'm sorry, SL, but that was hilarious. When the Brute grabbed you by your cape and tetherballed
you for fifteen minutes…the look on your face…priceless."

 Sister Sumo giggled and said, "And when the Brute tossed you into Orange Cthulhu, and he started
 smacking you in the face with his slimy tentacles. I almost peed my wawashi." 


"Speaking of which, what kind of superhero wears a giant diaper and a sports bra?" Da Bomb asked. "It's embarrassing."

Sister Sumo giggled, pirouetted, and asked, "Too sexy for you, Bomb?"

StreetLord stomped over to the coffeemaker. "Hardy Har Har, butt wipes. If I could've gotten my
Streetarangs out of my utility harness, it would have been a whole different story,"
he said while jamming a cruller into his coffee. "I'll be cleaning Orange Cthulhu goop out of my harness for a week."

"Now that you mention it, StreetLord," Grey Matter said, "I need you to start recovering your projectiles. Those things cost money."

"Well, if they could auto-return as I suggested…"

"Oh sure, we can barely afford pods for the Keurig, and you want Tony Stark tech. Just pick them up."

"Don't worry, sir, we'll beat the Vicious Psychos next time."

StreetLord almost dropped his Batman coffee mug. "Holy crap, Translucent Girl, cough or whistle
or something when you're standing next to a person!" 

Everyone gave StreetLord disapproving looks as the barely visible girl started sobbing.

"What? It's creepy, is all I'm saying."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry." StreetLord waved his hands in front of him. "Hello? You still there?"  

"Maybe."

Grey Matter adjusted the volume on one of his screens and said, "Good God, the Vicious Psychos just uploaded the entire debacle to TikTok."

Femme Métal peeked past Grey Matter's head. "Send me the link. My girlfriend is going to love this."  

Da Bomb approached the snack table and said, "Ah, come on. Squirrel Dude, two of your rodents are humping in the dip again."

"Um, it's Squirrel Master, and their names are Fred and Ethel." 

"I don't give a crap if their names are Roger Rabbit and Jessica. Tell them to keep their horny asses out of the guac."

"You didn't seem to mind when my Squirrel Assassins were saving all your asses… nobody wants the rabies from my babies!"

"Hey, who knew that Doctor Spazmento had a giant magnet… Nice intel, Grey."

"Apologies, Femme Métal. I don't know how I missed that enormous horseshoe on top of their van."

Sister Sumo giggled. "I didn't see that open manhole…yuck, that was disgusting!"

"So, sue me, I forgot to bring my bombs."

"You forgot your bombs? That's your whole schtick… bombs… how do you forget your bombs?"

"Everyone shut up!" The vein in Grey Matter's oversized head throbbed.
"We formed the Justice Defenders to protect Shrapnel City and fight crime. Not each other."


Grey Matter stood up and adjusted the dial on his neck brace to better support his massive head. "Everyone to the training room. We have new applicants to evaluate."

"Oh, great. I hope they're better than the last batch." 

"Right?" Femme Métal said. "Captain Kielbasa, the moron with his sausage nunchucks, and Bucket Boy,
Master of Disguise, the dopey kid with a bucket stuck on his head who kept slapping on different mustaches and hats like some kind of weird Mr. Potato Head."

Grey Matter looked back at his multiscreens. "Change of plans, everyone. The Vicious Psychos are at it again.
They just attacked City Hall. The Brute is pounding Mayor Lumpgrifter into the sidewalk, Orange Cthulhu is
sliming the First Lady, and Doctor Spazmento is eating a chili dog…I think… I can't quite make him out."

"I'm not going if he still has that big- ass magnet!"

"Damn it, I just got all my bombs deactivated and put away for the night."

Sister Sumo pouted and said, "I wanted to take a bubble bath."

"Enough, everyone," Grey Matter said, "Justice Defenders, we have a job to do!"

"Squirrels, assemble!"

"Okay, okay, let me just grab my cape. I think I can make it work this time."

Grey Matter grabbed his phone and stepped away from his screens. "Translucent Girl, take the bridge. I don't want to miss any of this." 

To be continued…



Kenneth M. Gray is retired and lives in New Jersey with his daughter and two furry overlords, Lola & Lolo.
He has kept these stories in his head for too long and is now setting them free. He is still working on it and hopes
to release his illustrated story of Gleepglorp: A Tale of Love and Abduction one day.


X- KennethMGRAY2 Instagram - graykennethm  Bluesky - @kennethmgray.bsky.social